Naughty person pulls off cake heist

Cincinnati, OH: After hours of speculation, a new suspect has been identified in the so-called Great Cake Caper of 2019. “It wasn’t Margaret; it was the naughty pewson,” explained sole witness Margaret Hunt, who was looking forward to chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and colorful roses for her 4th birthday. She had been riding home …

Kids want to name new puppy Whitey Cracker

Cincinnati, OH: Local mom Rowena Hunt found a new weird thing to worry about Thursday when her children announced that they plan to name the new puppy Whitey Cracker. “We think it’s cute because he has white and tan patches like a saltine,” said the oldest Hunt daughter, apparently unaware of the sensitive racial or …

Un-survival schooling gains traction

An emerging “un-survival” educational philosophy that teaches preschoolers to open pill bottles and click the button while pulling the trigger on propane lighters has been gaining popularity across the US.  “These so-called safety features are part of a money-making conspiracy for multibillion dollar industries,” posted a prominent un-survival proponent in her Facebook group. “Our children …