Mom deeply regrets saying “Bam!” while adding extra chocolate chips to cookie dough

A mom recently entered a deep existential crisis that verged on self-loathing after using the word “Bam!” to verbalize excitement regarding extra chocolate chips she was adding to cookie dough. The ill advised quip was intended to channel the formerly popular television chef Emeril Lagasse, whose star rose in the ‘90s but has since tapered …

Mom makes mistake of starting The Girl Who Drank the Moon on Christmas morning

The story, which is written for children and was a gift for her seven-year-old, left the mother in a vaguely catatonic state. She spent significant time gnawing a novelty-sized Hershey’s kiss from her daughter’s stocking and ruminating over children currently detained without their parents this Christmas.

Toddler agitates for wine after falling in love with grinch display

A grinch-obsessed toddler threw a full blown tantrum yesterday shortly after delighting in a popular wine brand’s whimsical kid oriented holiday display. After spending some time with the display, the toddler’s mom suggested that it was time to finish grocery shopping. Immediate screaming and kicking ensued. “It really sucked,” said the mom. “The store was super …

Mom suspects sleepless night related to nativity scene

Cincinnati, OH: Sugarplum dreams recently turned sinister after a toddler viewed the life-sized nativity scene across the street from her school. “We were drawn across the street by the live animals but it was probably a mistake,” her mom admitted. “I think the picture speaks for itself”

Woman shows poor judgement in preserving cockatoo surprise

Cincinnati, OH: A hidden animatronic cockatoo recently chattered at an inopportune moment, resulting in a mother being forced to make a quick decision: She could either destroy her daughter’s belief in Santa or make her think she was the only one hearing a creepy voice. The talking bird had arrived in the mail a month …