Report: New Yorker randomly inserts names halfway through articles just to mess with you

The New Yorker weekly magazine is trolling its readers by inserting random names into its long, in-depth profiles and articles. The discovery was made when a local woman was chugging through a profile of Julia Louis-Dreyfus from a December issue. “Suddenly someone named ‘Ebersol’ was being quoted, but I had not idea who she was …

Toddler agitates for wine after falling in love with grinch display

A grinch-obsessed toddler threw a full blown tantrum yesterday shortly after delighting in a popular wine brand’s whimsical kid oriented holiday display. After spending some time with the display, the toddler’s mom suggested that it was time to finish grocery shopping. Immediate screaming and kicking ensued. “It really sucked,” said the mom. “The store was super …

Mom suspects sleepless night related to nativity scene

Cincinnati, OH: Sugarplum dreams recently turned sinister after a toddler viewed the life-sized nativity scene across the street from her school. “We were drawn across the street by the live animals but it was probably a mistake,” her mom admitted. “I think the picture speaks for itself”

Woman shows poor judgement in preserving cockatoo surprise

Cincinnati, OH: A hidden animatronic cockatoo recently chattered at an inopportune moment, resulting in a mother being forced to make a quick decision: She could either destroy her daughter’s belief in Santa or make her think she was the only one hearing a creepy voice. The talking bird had arrived in the mail a month …

Important advance made in Mad Libs word game

Cincinnati, OH: A seven-year-old girl recently discovered that the words boogers, pooping and butts make Mad Libs even more hilarious. The breakthrough reportedly occurred yesterday when she was asked for a plural noun and thought of “boogers.” This initial discovery opened the floodgate to further insights, including “pooping” being used as a verb ending in …

Marketing team misses pandering opportunity in shampoo bottle messaging

A marketing team recently forgot to include bogus claims in their product description of a shampoo formulated specifically for women. The team’s director said that key pseudoscientific language was inadvertently left off of the packaging. “We meant to add a statement that our Japanese uzu micro beads are clinically proven to make hair thicker and less …

Woman uses holiday spirit to forget about climate change

Cincinnati, OH: An area woman recently discovered that getting into Christmas makes her feel better about the declining state of the world. She made this discovery while cleaning the fridge and listening to NPR’s coverage of the latest climate change report. “It was a eureka moment,” she said. “I realized that if I switched to …