Hotline opens for parents of dumbass teens

This is the first Mommy Hack guest post! The writer, Tanya Kuzmanovic, is a perpetually frazzled writer/mother/movie lover who enjoys doing laundry, cleaning house and driving kids around in her spare time. Check out her blog at pencilsandpopcans.com. Oakville, Ontario: A local anonymous mother is being hailed a hero by contemporary parents after lobbying to have …

Phew! Resting bitch face result of Botox, not feminism

Cincinnati, OH: The situation was tense Thursday afternoon when a local anonymous woman failed to smile after a passerby remarked on her appearance.  “She has a nice rear end but a terrible attitude,” said Chad Hunt, the alleged RBF victim who had spotted her on the street and shouted a compliment in her direction from …

Woman diagnosed with Munchausen imposter syndrome faked falsely thinking that she fakes everything

Cincinnati, OH: An area woman who thought she had imposter syndrome has recently been diagnosed with Munchausen. “I thought I had the disorder where you falsely worry you are faking your way through life,” she said. “But it turns out I have the disorder where you fake disorders. So I was actually faking falsely thinking …

Neighbor casually seeking kid to do her bidding again

Cincinnati, OH: It’s been reported that local resident Jessica Pattern is looking for a college kid who needs a little extra cash. “If anyone has a college age son (or even a responsible high-schooler!!!), I just need to plant fence-line shrubs, a few perennials, mulch the beds, and mow and fertilize the yard,” she posted …

Area man looks forward to day drinking in public for a change

An area man who usually day drinks alone is reportedly looking forward to bringing his lifestyle out of the closet Sunday, when he’ll meet his friends at the bar for beer in the middle of the day.  “Meet me for a pint to celebrate St. Patty’s Day!” he texted to everyone he knows. It’s been …

Study links ability to perceive nagging with narcissist gene

After years of observational case studies, scientist have finally identified a genetic link between thinking someone is nagging you and being a lazy narcissist. “We always knew there was a correlation, but now we understand the mechanism.” said Principal Investigator Rowena Hunt. The gene identified results in a wide constellation of behaviors and thought patterns. …

New pro-life bill would force men to carry wasted sperm

Washington, D.C.: A new pro-life bill based on the idea that life starts with ejaculation was introduced today by House Republican Chad Hunt. “Senselessly extinguishing the spark for human life simply for a man’s convenience is wrong,” he said. “Wearing wasted sperm as a ‘scarlet letter’ to show wrongdoing will send a powerful message that …

Mom uses second grade Valentine’s Day party to showcase artistic genius

An area mom charged with planning and leading the craft for her 8-year-old daughter’s class Valentine’s Day party bravely seized the opportunity to show the world that she is a tortured artistic genius with big ideas. “I had some wild ideas, including decorating gender-ambiguous cookies with sad faces and one bite taken out,” she said. …