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Climate change frustrates Basic Fall Birches

Cincinnati, OH: October brought dry weather and soaring temperatures to the Tristate area, frustrating many Basic Fall Birches* during peak Instagram season.

“How am I supposed to get a fall selfie w my new Burberry scarf in 90 degree weather?!” asked a local anonymous BFB. Other BFBs in the area concurred, admitting for the first time that climate change might be real.

“I already heard that my children may not have a future and I won’t have grandchildren, blah blah blah,” one said, “but that seemed too depressing so I assumed it wasn’t true.” She added that poor people dying on small islands due to climate change also was not worrisome compared to the dearth of apple picking this year. “I had to order my pumpkin latte on ice,” she added. “Everything is totally fucked.”

As the weight of climate change doom finally sunk in for one local BFB, he had an idea: “Maybe I should start driving a Prius so it will cool off next year?”

*Basic Fall Birch, or BFB, is a technical term for climate deniers who love fall. BFB is a scientific term and is not specific to any sex or gender.

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