Cincinnati, OH: Local mom Rowena Hunt found a new weird thing to worry about Thursday when her children announced that they plan to name the new puppy Whitey Cracker. “We think it’s cute because he has white and tan patches like a saltine,” said the oldest Hunt daughter, apparently unaware of the sensitive racial or historical context of the name.
Hunt, who had recently acknowledged some instances of control freak parenting, had granted puppy naming rights to the kids as a gesture of goodwill. She had impulsively agreed that under no circumstances would she interfere with the naming process.
“Maybe we can live with Whitey Cracker,” she said, unconvinced. “Maybe it just sounds weird in my head?” She considered accepting the name, then casually introducing a nickname with the hope it could catch on. “Wise Cracker is pretty cute. Or maybe Whitey Bulger? Like the famous gangster?”
As of press time, the mom was gnawing her fingernails and repeating “whitey cracker” in her head with the hope that it would start to sound acceptable. Updates will be posted as they become available.