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Local man searching for more crap to put on counter

Cincinnati, OH: Local resident Chad Hunt is looking for more household detritus to place on the kitchen counter in his family’s home. “So far I have dirty socks, unpaid bills, promotional mailers, a few unusable wires, and an empty plastic bag containing receipts that we may or may not need,” he said. “It’s looking pretty good, but the food prep area is still relatively bare.”

It was reported that he had previously returned the empty ice cube tray to the freezer, which he briefly considered placing on the counter. “I considered it, but realized that the empty tray is much more arresting when discovered where full ones belong,” he said. Other considerations for countertop placement included the empty juice container from the fridge and the empty cracker box in the pantry. “Ultimately, I wasn’t ready to sacrifice the element of surprise in the name of the countertop project,” he said, taking a deep dive into the hall closet to complete his masterpiece.

At press time, Hunt had arranged a pair of swim goggles and a winter scarf next to the cooktop. “I’ve had my head in this for so long,” he said, squinting at his work and framing it with his hands. “I might need an editor. Do you think this reads “smart” or “too obvious”?”

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