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Justice Kavanaugh enjoys beer after long week fighting democracy

Washington, DC: It’s been a grueling week for US Supreme Court Justice Brett M. Kavanaugh, who cast his vote Thursday in a landmark 5-4 gerrymandering decision that will devastate voting rights. “I had to pull some serious all-nighters to help argue that preserving American democracy is not our problem,” he said.

“But now it’s the weekend and I’m shedding the robe and cracking open some cans. This party’s gonna kick beach week’s ass! There might be some boofing.”

When pressed on his decision to allow states to draw voting precinct maps to favor those already in power—rendering many votes useless—he became emotional. “If someone goes to Yale and works his butt off, it’s so wrong that people can vote him out just because he makes mistakes.” He added, aggressively and with tears in his eyes, ”I like beer; do you drink beer?”

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