Baby arrested after twin vanishes in utero

Huntsville, AL: A surviving fetus in a vanishing twin scenario was born yesterday in a state that grants full personhood to fetuses in any stage of development, leading to the surviving baby’s arrest upon birth.  “This is a classic case of vanishing twin syndrome,” said Chad Hunt, the obstetrician involved. “We have reason to believe that this baby may have been involved in the murder of his twin fetus in the womb.” Vanishing twin syndrome is a recognized medical condition in which one twin fetus perishes early in a pregnancy and the other twin absorbs the nutrients from its former twin. 

Because the law grants full human privileges to any stage of fetus, with all the attendant rights and responsibilities, this baby is being charged with murder and cannibalism. “I have sympathy for the baby, I really do, but we have reason to believe he murdered his twin and this is the law,” said Hunt, who received an MD online from the University of Phoenix. “He’ll have more than just the original sin repent, and he can do that living out his life sentence in prison.” 

Hunt says that the recent need for baby-sized handcuffs and cell-block bassinets has been a boon to the local manufacturing economy. “We can expect to catch more baby criminals in the near future,” he said.  

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  1. Love this one . . .

    1. the mommy hack says:


      I hear they dismissed the case because the baby turned out to be a boy.

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