Parenting

Upstart mixologist accused of selling out

Redbud bloom, dogwood blossom, tulip petal, fresia bud, hasta leaf (torn), and a two day old yellow egg dye tablet that’s been sitting out in the rain are only a handful of the inventive ingredients used by this edgy Gen Z mixologist who is actually a toddler. Her concoctions are anything but pedestrian, or comestible.

“The unifying cocktail theme is any bloom that is difficult to cultivate but easy to harvest,” explained her handler. “It’s important that they are stripped from the plant so as to leave a number of bare branches and stems in the garden.”

But after the young mixologist’s controversial ingredients were revealed to suppliers this morning, she reassured nervous stakeholders by stating “onwee da weeds” while pulling a handful of dandelions.

The statement led her customers to believe that she had sold out, and was no longer living up to her artisanal standards. Critics noted inaccurate past statements regarding cocktail ingredients and there is a great deal of speculation as to how this latest utterance will play out.

Updates to this story will be posted as they develop.

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