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As Earth approaches rapid boil, area woman ruminates over phthalates released into bottom-rack-loaded sippy cup

As the air around her continued to warm to an uninhabitable level, a local woman was recently dismayed to find a plastic sippy cup on the bottom rack of the dishwasher. “Phthalates have the potential to cause health issues years down the road,” she said. “I can’t believe someone would load it down there where heat releases all those toxins.” Follow up reporting reveals that every kid on Earth today could live a short life of desperation due to climate change and freaking out about phthalates has become part of an elaborate fantasy about everything else being generally fine.

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